Saturday, March 13, 2010

So I Married an Axe Murderer

This is probably Mr. Frisby's favorite movie. It's very funny. But, last night, I feared it was becoming my reality.

I was startled awake in the middle of the night last night by Mr. Frisby grabbing my face. I opened my eyes to discover him half sitting up in bed looking at me with his hand right in my face. In self-defense, I shoved his hand away and impatiently yelled, "What?!" Hello, I'm trying to sleep. He immediately pulled his hand back, frantically said "Sorry, sorry", and laid back down. I flipped over to go back to sleep, but my attention focused for a few minutes on the way he had said, "sorry." It was like he was a little ashamed. Like he had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. So, my mind wandered a little. What had he been doing? If he were trying to kill me, then his hands should have been around my neck, not in my face. What if he was just trying to punch me? I never assumed, of course, that he had been doing it intentionally. But, his dreams could have led him to do something crazy in his sleep. Like kill me. A scenario filled my mind as I drifted off to sleep again. Mr. Frisby was in a courtroom trying to convince a jury that he hadn't meant to kill me. He was dreaming and not aware of what he was doing...

Obviously, I woke up this morning alive and well. But, I was very curious as to why Mr. Frisby had tried to take out my face in the middle of the night. So, as we were driving along this morning, I said, "so, do you want to tell me what was going on last night?" He immediately started laughing and assured me that there was a logical explanation. I was eager to hear it.

Apparently Mr. Frisby had a crazy dream last night. He dreamed that he was sitting in bed eating a plate of ground beef (don't worry - it was cooked). While eating said ground beef, a large chunk of it rolled off the plate and onto my pillow. He gallantly tried to "protect" me from ground beef juice getting on my pillow by grabbing at the chunk of ground beef which, apparently, bears an uncanny resemblance to my head. He thought he was rescuing me from ground beef and I thought he was trying to take off my head. Perfectly logical.

So, I'm safe for the moment. But, who knows what his future dreams will hold. I hope there are no weapons nearby that he could get his hands on in the middle of the night for the sake of "protecting" me (thank goodness the baseball bat is on my side of the bed). But, I'm starting to wonder if I need to start working on my sleep self-defense. Forgive me if I feel a little vulnerable. I guess if I ever turn up dead in the morning, you will all know who's to blame.

11 comments:

Sharon said...

Good luck with Mr. Frisby.

Ella said...

Oh, man. That is hilarious!!!! I loved that. Every little bit of it. His perfectly logical explanation can not get any funnier!!

mommafriz said...

Maybe you should change the moisturizer from ketchup and mustard to say coconut something he finds less tasty

MomandDad said...

After being kicked in the middle of the night many times from dad's dreams of fighting off a tiger or vicious dog I can sympathize with you. Be careful though. One night I got mad and kicked him back. That was a mistake he really started in then. I've learned if his breathing gets heavy pull my legs up out of the way. He's always sorry in the morning. He's not bad anymore. In fact it's been a long time since I've been kicked. Oh the things we do in our sleep. Not me, I just stay in one spot.

Amy said...

Ha ha, we've had something similar happen. Those darn dreams that just seem so real. At least he doesn't sleep walk or sleep eat...or does he???

Stephanie said...

Scary! I also suffer from Brigham's sleep abuse, which usually turns out to have been a heroic effort to save me, too.

Molly said...

I'm crying. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. And I'm sitting in a cubicle. Please don't let anyone walk by right now and see me!!

Dalene said...

I haven't laughed this hard in SO long. THANK YOU!

Tammy said...

Good thing you woke him up. Richard did try to kill me in his sleep. No protection there. Apparently I was the bad guy. Woke up with his hands around my neck. He said I was very evil but wouldn't even tell me what I did. Very unsettling.

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